your back

I function well as a scribe.

I read a reflection, this morning.
"Put your back into prayer.
It's lonely and uncomfortable.
So give it all you've got."

So I did. I prayed the daily Mass.

The homily: we don't know God.
God has to lead us forward,
sometimes kicking and screaming,
to get to know Him better.
The pain, confusion, and guilt -
the purging of the soul -
just to wash our eyes
so we may see more clearly,
so we may see our God.

I put my back into it:
Lord, I just don't know!
Look at how I've suffered.
Look at all I've lost
and was it all my fault?
Jesus, help me to see!
I'm lost and miserable.
Tell me, heal me, save me!

I had to stop the Mass
with the click of a mouse.
I took the biggest shit
I'd seen in quite awhile.
And then, I resumed the Mass.
And then, the floodgates burst.
I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
"Lord, I didn't know!"
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

...but I won't get into that.
It's for another time....

Put your back into it.
It's not just demoniacs,
like me, who find prayer hard.
It has to be athletic.

And now, it's time to eat.


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