AA
Religious rigorists taught me one thing: It's all about Heaven. If this life is a womb, then Heaven is when things really begin. So why wouldn't I live like that? I put up with this uncomfortable labor knowing that it's temporary. In Heaven, I'll finally know. I'll finally know what life is. And I'll finally live. So why get too hung up on what happens in this life? The rigorists teach me that although I don't think I'm a rigorist. I'm not strong enough for rigor. I'm a useless sinner trying to get ready for Heaven anyway. The demons point out I'm a sinner. Good for them, Amen! I'll just relax and get ready for Heaven anyway. Why? Well, what if AA is right? What if I'm a sick bastard with no control anyway? What if God runs the show and my job is to be humble? Let go and let God - surrender? So I try to surrender and dream about Heaven.